So, it's been awhile that I've written. I wish i had the same esoteric pursuits that i once had in writing but sometimes, time or more so, the lack of finding topics to write often impedes me in updating. That being said, when I do find something interesting to write, it ends up to be something that has people getting entirely grossed out. I usually condition myself not to get grossed out by repeating the story over and over until it just becomes something mundane.
At this point, you're probably thinking that whatever I am about to write can't be that bad. For those of you who know me, you probably have closed the window or begun to surf and click on other links. Although I must say, that a couple of friends of mine, especially those in the medical field have no sense of what is disgusting. Once again, its a condition that they've become numbed to because they see it everyday. For those of us who only can see the things these medical professionals see on the Discovery Channel, we aren't used to seeing operations going wrong and it's worse when you have it described to you because somewhere in our brains, we have a thing called vivid imagination. It separates us from animals (although you may beg to differ).

This long anecdote that could be even longer leads me to the simple fact that there was an unfortunate incident involving a mouse and my trying to be humane and putting it out of its misery. This involved precise pressure/vital point killing and full knowledge of the anatomy of the genus rodentia as I needed to strike with surgical precision to quickly send Mickey back to heaven. To spare the details, poor mickey endured probably what was an eternity of physical hell after the fact that he was stuck in the trap (it was the gooey sticky kind of trap). Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it's because I think my ancestors had mastered the art of pressure point killing on small mammals and it was also in my blood. If it appeases any of your souls as you now have probably named me sadistic animal killer, know that I honestly prayed to God "Lord, forgive me for what i am about to do." You don't have to know because knowing will probably make you hate me even more. Honestly, i did not take pleasure in trying to perform a brutal form of euthanasia on disease ridden Mickey.

I honestly hope that if there is a rodent heaven, they will get new bodies and not be the same way they had died. OTherwise, you'd get 2-D squirrels and mickey would have no head.

This next entry is just thinking outloud:

You're probably wondering if you did stop by what I'm still doing. I don't know. The question that haunts me everyday is what am I doing here? Getting plugged in anywhere whether you go to church or not is probably the hugest struggle. You would think sharing faith w/ people allow you to get plugged in but sometimes it doesn't. Perhaps I expect people to be a little warmer and a little more sensitive than that. If you don't go to church, then maybe it's a little harder or easier to meet people, depending on your choices of activities whether that be bar hopping or clubbing. However, some might say, well, if you're an introvert, then you'd be ok right? Well, no, not exactly. I think some human interaction other than telephone conversations might lead to better social development as a person but maybe when you expect too much from the church as an institution to be a place where strangers aren't really like strangers but people you feel like you can connect to. Perhaps it isn't everyone's role to do that but I believe we all have that capacity to do so. So now I'm on the otherside of the fence. Some of you may understand what I mean by that, others may not - but having gone to a church where I worked to build those relationships and to pass them on and also to have seen others trip up and fall because they must have seen the institution of the church not really intergrating them. Everything is a facade. I hope that even within the church, supposedly a place of love and a place where arms open up, where these masks exist, we can let them fall away. I find myself become more and more frustrated with what I am supposed to be and what I thought to be falling apart.
Aimless floating. Or hopefully, aimlessly heading towards somewhere. Aimlessly I say even though it's a paradox to say that I aimlessly go towards something. Despite knowing I will be somewhere someday, it feels like life is just passing me by and I don't know where to grab hold to it. Enjoy the company of those around you and do not be afraid to let people in because one day, you might be left alone and by the time you want to say something, there's no way you can say it because no one is there to listen.

It's funny how the week flies by and you wish the weekend would just stay for another week. Week 4 is approaching and I'll have been in NYC for almost a month. I think I'm numb to the crazy city life or maybe i just avoid it by staying home.

Big trouble summed up in one number: 24.

Addiction begins.

in response to Calvin's most recent entry, I agree that not having an SSN is a pain in the butt. Thank God that Washington Mutual not only didn't need my SSN right away, they also gave me a FREE checking account. That's right all you other banks who want some minimum deposit. I HAVE A STACK OF CHECKS! ( but unfortunately, have to wait for like two weeks before I can actually use an ATM). Anyway, despite everything being a hassle here, everything has been a blessing from finding a place to having a potential church and having friends around, I'm really thankful to God and I totally know that somehow, my coming to New York has its purpose. I think I'll be writing more about the deeper things in a new blog that I hope to publish sometime in the near future.

In the meantime, I spent my first (well, if you include my childhood summer of 87 in Minnesota) Independence day watching the Macy's fireworks w/ two canadian's and the rest of New York. Of course, I had to hum O Canada since most American's have no idea what it sounds like but i figure they might figure it out had I been singing "O canada, our home and native long" trying to make it choregraph with the Fireworks. I figured the melody would have to do. It's very different but I don't ever recall Canadian's cheering everytime a huge firework went off representing the EXPLOSIVENESS of Americanism and how in your face american's are. No offense to you americans but Americans are generally loud and obnoxious. But, I need to say, July 4th ended off with a kick when we hiked for about 45 minutes to chinatown in search of "HUi Lau SAHN" (The chinese fruit place only found in HK but now found in NY!!) for those of you who don't know, its the ubiquitous store that has the tacky red sign with gold letters on it found pretty much on every other corner (Much more ubiquitous than Starbucks in HK although they're catching up) in HK. That made my day mainly due to the fact I was with two girls who would not stop until they had found the place. One of them, whose name I will refrain from inputing but she's related to Amanda Li, literally skipped across the street not noticing the oncoming cars nor people and almost knocked a poor lady over (although this was recounted to me by the other friend). needless to say, I guess their excitement overshadowed mine as I was eagerly awaiting my Mango/cocount milk/aloe jelly drink to cool me off as I was at this point, leaving a puddle around me in sweat.

I'm so thankful I bought an A/C.

I am so tired. I forgot what I was doing at work today.
I met up w/ Mike Plummer today. It was nice to see a familiar face in an unfamiliar landscape. Mike and I played together in C.O.R. (choir of Reconciliation). I like to write as if I were in Gr.5.

Ate my first and last expensive meal in NY. cost me close to 40 USD. Let us not convert please into Canadian. It hurts.

Canada Day and I am working.