This next entry is just thinking outloud:

You're probably wondering if you did stop by what I'm still doing. I don't know. The question that haunts me everyday is what am I doing here? Getting plugged in anywhere whether you go to church or not is probably the hugest struggle. You would think sharing faith w/ people allow you to get plugged in but sometimes it doesn't. Perhaps I expect people to be a little warmer and a little more sensitive than that. If you don't go to church, then maybe it's a little harder or easier to meet people, depending on your choices of activities whether that be bar hopping or clubbing. However, some might say, well, if you're an introvert, then you'd be ok right? Well, no, not exactly. I think some human interaction other than telephone conversations might lead to better social development as a person but maybe when you expect too much from the church as an institution to be a place where strangers aren't really like strangers but people you feel like you can connect to. Perhaps it isn't everyone's role to do that but I believe we all have that capacity to do so. So now I'm on the otherside of the fence. Some of you may understand what I mean by that, others may not - but having gone to a church where I worked to build those relationships and to pass them on and also to have seen others trip up and fall because they must have seen the institution of the church not really intergrating them. Everything is a facade. I hope that even within the church, supposedly a place of love and a place where arms open up, where these masks exist, we can let them fall away. I find myself become more and more frustrated with what I am supposed to be and what I thought to be falling apart.
Aimless floating. Or hopefully, aimlessly heading towards somewhere. Aimlessly I say even though it's a paradox to say that I aimlessly go towards something. Despite knowing I will be somewhere someday, it feels like life is just passing me by and I don't know where to grab hold to it. Enjoy the company of those around you and do not be afraid to let people in because one day, you might be left alone and by the time you want to say something, there's no way you can say it because no one is there to listen.