The Make Shift Toilet Seat protector:

For some reason, my freudian obsession with writing about bowel movements seem to be the most poignant in my mind and that I need to write about them. So today after church, we ended up going to a Shanghainese place because I refused to go to dim sum again after two hours of just having prior to church. For some reason, my stomach had to start complaining that it had a package to mail to the porcelain God. This time, I had a package of tissue that my mom had given me this morning so that I could wipe my mouth (yes, there are no napkins on the tables at restaurants here). So i had no need to embarass myself by announcing to the world that I had an uncomfortable feeling in my rectum. To my relief(no pun intended), there was a readily supply of toilet paper and a toilet seat that was already down. REgardless of how clean it did look, my rule of thumb is to never have any part of exposed flesh touch public toilets especially in HK. This time, instead of squatting for fear of eternally locked in the squat position or the fear of falling into the toilet bowl, I took about 3 strips of 3 squares of toilet paper and formed a protective seat cover on top of the toilet seat. For these sorts of conditions, I reapplied the squares forming a double layer. After that, to prevent the splash, I threw in a couple of more squares into the bowl as to absorb the impact. Back splash can be dangerous to one's health.

Needless to say, I walked by to the table with full confidence that my legs were no longer sore but realized that I had been gone for more than 5 minutes. They probably figured out that it wasn't a number 1 that I had to attend to. Avoiding people's glances, I remarked how good the lightly browned dumplings looked.