Squatty Potty:

Before I begin my bathroom experience (which for some reason are always comical) in Hong Kong, I want to first say that as humorous as these experiences appear , in retrospect, the experience I relive is not for your entertainment but rather, to warn you of the dangers of being unfit.

This happened on Christmas day when we went to a Chiu Chow restaurant (for those of you unfamiliar with your chinese heritage, Chiu Chow is a place in Guang dong whose dialect sounds like Vietnamese and sounds like a butchered version of Cantonese (which is already a butchered version of chinesE). No offense to Vietnamese people.) I won't begin with how horrible the dining experience was which left me hungry and will jump straight to the point of this story. Towards what I thought was halfway through the meal (but in reality, there was only one dish left to be served but it hadn't arrived), my lower intestine decides that its too full and wants to explode. After unconspicuously asking for a pack of tissue because I wasn't sure if the bathroom had toilet paper (note: In HK, toilet paper is never popular. One must often carry toilet paper in the form of 'Tempo' brand tissue packs that is readily available at ubiquitous newspaper stands and seven-elevens) So after announcing to my relatives that I needed tissue, and not just one I might add but the whole pack, I basically announced to the entire table that I had to take a big crap. But at this point, I didn't really care. Neither did my relatives or so it seemed.

So I ran to the bathroom and to my relief, a roll of readily dispensible toilet paper was there. So I proceeded to do my thing. Let me just make another note. In HK, you NEVER ever touch the toilet bowl with any part of your body unless you dare to catch some airborne virus or veneral disease that lives off the toilets. Lets just say, Hong Kong people don't necessarily give the highest priority to making the bathroom experience an euphoric one. (unless you go to highclass bathrooms where they have a guy spraying down the urinal after you take a piss in it requiring you to tip them otherwise, they'll probably shove your face in the urinal just to clean it). Anyway, so the rule is to perform the Squat where one strategically aims your anus at the toilet bowl. Of course, because of my stomach ache, what comes out isn't so solid and anyway, I just make a mess (thank God its still in the toilet bowl). I will spare you the details (no need to thank me) but basically, its really difficult to squat and expel all at once because you're tense and one needs to be relaxed. anyway, this whole thing took way longer than I thought because I was fighting both the pain in my stomach and my thighs.

When it was finally over, and I cleaned myself up I walked back to the dinner table wishing I had done more squat exerciese before I came back to Hong Kong. Who says working out your legs iin the gym sn't useful?

My legs were sore when we left the restaurant.