I'm suprised people still read this. I'm sorry if my thoughts are not as exciting as they ought to be but tis the banality of my current life. Although I must say, if it weren't for the opportunities to serve God with music, I think I'd be a wreck. Even though music and writing is an outlet for me, in some ways, it defines my spirituality and facilitates the way I articulate my life. It is so frustrating when you want to say in words how you feel because in some profound way, it helps you shed to light why you are struggling and to understand yourself and your current situation.

I often believe I am afflicted with (Asians in general, especially men,- ((Note: Men, however, refers to all races)) what I call, emotional constipation. This affliction's symptoms include an inability to express and articulate all emotion and feeling which are all suppressed. This often leads to a flustered look or a sullen face that has no means of going beyond the stone face. At most, a thin film of moisture forms over the eye. Eventually, there may be a breaking point where all emotion is let out at a certain point in time brought on by a tiny, and often, insignificant event. This inability to express oneself is probably an act of masculinity or in the asian context, saving face as showing emotion is an act of vulnerability and is both culturally and socially unacceptable. Therefore, as asians, we are taught that it is better to be polite and hide your feelings inside especially within the family. Even within the family, children are not asked to truly express their emotion about things because there is this paternal/maternal hiearchy that is established.
Therefore, years of emotion are welled up inside and inability to truly express feelings callouses the heart.
This is true of Asian women too although not all are like that . Women still have an ability to express more so then that of the man as to become the sensitive maternal figure. However, it seems common in the asian woman that expression of feeling is still much more difficult than that of the other cultures (perhaps I refer to that of north American Culture)

What then is the cure for emotional constipation? Some turn to seek different means whether by occupying their time with random activities to temporarily mask their constipation. Whatever it may be, people still search for the emotional laxative. Others turn to the arts in painting, music and writing, the more introspective type things that allow one to truly know oneself.

Why am I writing this? I have no idea. other than the fact that it is 2 in the morning and I have to go relieve myself.